


Light Only Shines

by risibleWorld



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt Tony, M/M, Steve Feels, Steve Rogers-centric, Time Travel, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-04 17:05:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4145751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risibleWorld/pseuds/risibleWorld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Steve catches a glimpse at where his relationship with Tony is going to lead in the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light Only Shines

**Author's Note:**

> So... alright, I somehow came up with this while listening to the song Dead Inside by Muse. To me it's a song about manipulation and love.  
> This one-shot takes place after Age Of Ultron and kind of exaggerates when it comes to Tony’s inventions, because I’m sure he’d never fail again like he did with Ultron. Anyways, this idea spooked through my head long enough, so I had to put it into words.  
> (Steve does not know/recognize Wolverine in this – I know, in the comics, they both fought in Civil War...)
> 
> Now, simply enjoy and please don’t mind any errors...

Steve watched the clock on the wall. Painfully slowly the sweep hand moved forward, second after second ticking away. In the otherwise silent room, the quiet sound insulted the Captain’s ears.

Someone knocked on the door timidly, someone almost too afraid to face the soldier. Steve turned to face the piece of wood. “Just enter.”

The door cracked open and Natasha entered the room quite reluctantly. After everything Steve had learned within the last twelve hours, he understood, he really did.

Natasha seemed unsure of what to say or to do, so she just took the spot besides Steve on the couch, examining her hands after sitting down.

“So...” the spy spoke under her breath, “you’re waiting for your chance to return?”

Steve hummed in response and Natasha looked up at the wordless answer. But her gaze returned to her fingers quite quickly and she nodded while lowering her head.

“It’s strange, you know. Tony lost his lover, but he wasn’t the only one losing someone dear. I lost a friend the day you turned your back on us. I lost my _best_ friend.” The word’s didn’t come easily and Steve didn’t know what to respond. He felt like he had no right to offer her his sympathy. It wasn’t his place to do so.

“I’m sorry” was all the soldier came up with in the end.

“It’s not exactly your fault.” Natasha still stared at her hands. “I just- I don’t know. I don’t know where this is leading.”

“It’s alright” Steve reassured. He understood how the spy wanted to talk to him, although no words could fill the gap that had emerged between them.

Natasha shifted and huffed. When Steve looked at her, he saw her smile wryly. It made him sad and his heart ached.

“It’s unfair, really” Natasha suddenly started again and this time, she looked up and stared right into Steve’s face. The soldier could see anger whirl in her eyes. “You can just turn your back on all this again. You don’t have to face it, and you didn’t have to live with it. The pain you left to us to bear. Where is your just punishment?”

Steve was taken aback by Natasha’s words. He blinked baffled, before answering, bewilderment rising in his guts. “ _My just punishment_?”

But Natasha didn’t even hear him out. “You’re a coward, Steve Rogers. Looking back now, you’ve always been. Captain America was an act. There was no truth behind those stars and stripes. And it really makes me angry, ‘cause I can’t even hold you responsible, and I can’t let you pay. You just- slipped away on us... So who was I supposed to be angry at?”

Steve’s mouth gaped open. “I...” but nothing came to his mind. Nothing that would have given Natasha peace of mind. So he stopped and didn’t say anymore at all.

“Yeah” the spy commented, smiling wryly again. She averted her gaze again, playing with her fingers. Suddenly, she pointed at the clock on the wall. “Look” she said “time to go. Turn away...”

Steve looked up, and really, the sweep hand had stopped, not counting down the seconds anymore. “I won’t this time, I promise” the soldier reassured, but Natasha snorted.

“I don’t believe you.”

 

_ eight years earlier _

Steve awoke in his bed. It took him a moment to gather his bearings, but as soon as the spinning of his room stopped, he crawled out of bed. It was after midnight, and outside it was still dark, so every window Steve passed reflected his own face.

The soldier left his room, dressed in dark sweatpants and a plain shirt. Barefoot, he strolled through the empty hallway’s of the Stark tower, until he reached the elevator, which he took to get to the lower stories. Soon, he stepped out of the car and made his way over to the entrance of Tony’s workshop.

The billionaire stood hunched over his working bench. Steve entered wordlessly and went right over to Tony. He engulfed the other in a tight back hug. Tony stilled and went rigid under the touch and Steve understood, to some extent.

“I’m sorry” the soldier whispered into Tony’s ear. Tony didn’t answer. He just stood frozen to the spot.

“I really am. I- I didn’t mean to hit you. I- it was all this anger building up inside me, and I didn’t really think and- I am so sorry. It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Slowly - very slowly - Tony turned around to face Steve. An awful dark bruise graced his jaw but his eyes were almost cold, all emotions sealed away carefully.

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have. Nevertheless you did.” Obviously, Steve had fucked up and Tony wasn’t to forgive him easily. But then again, Steve had indeed slammed his fist into the other’s face, so the engineer had every damn right to be angry- furious even. Steve had not just broken his trust, he had violated his body.

“And I’m sorry I did” Steve stressed, but Tony’s face was still tight with unvoiced emotion.

“Yeah. And now let go, so I can continue to work.” Steve actually did as he was told, because everything else would have made the situation even worse. He watched as Tony turned back to the piece of technology he was working on.

“Does it hurt badly” the soldier asked after some moments of silence, guilt lacing his voice.

“No” Tony answered dryly, “only like hell. ‘Cause unfortunately, I’m not some kind of super-soldier who holds superhuman powers.”

“I’m-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re so sorry, you didn’t mean to do it. Save it, Steve.” Tony didn’t even as much as cast him a glance. Steve’s heart hurt at the definitiveness his voice held.

“Please, Tony. You don’t even have to accept my apology. Just know that I didn’t mean to hit you. And that I love you, more than anything” Steve promised, but the only response he got was a snort.

“Sure you do. I can literally feel your love. Tell me, Steve, does love hurt?”

Steve didn’t answer anything at that. He just stood watching silently, while Tony ordered DUM-E to hold the soldering iron in a different manner. He’d promised Natasha not to turn away, but to watch the consequences of his doings.

 

 

_  
_

Steve had been really angry. He’d punched Tony in the face, and somewhere deep inside, he knew it had been a mistake, that he had just destroyed something so valuable, money couldn’t buy it and words couldn’t fix it. But now it was too late to regret it anyways, and Steve sure as hell wouldn’t apologize either.

The soldier entered the Stark tower, still in his Captain America outfit. It was dark outside, for he had had to calm down first before returning to the men who was at fault to start with.

When Steve entered the empty hallways, no lights flashed.

“JARVIS, what’s with the lights?” the soldier asked, in full expectation of the British voice to answer him. But he was only met by silence insulting his ears.

“JARVIS?” Still no response.

“JARVIS?! Are we under attack?” Only more silence. Steve’s steps sped up. He started running. His first destination was Tony’s workshop, for he expected the engineer to be there. If they were under attack, he had to make sure Tony was alright.

But when he arrived at the workshop, Steve froze. It was empty, except for little furniture covered with white sheets, like the Stark tower had been uninhabited for some time already.

But that was impossible, for Steve had been watching Tony work down here just that very morning!

Steve went deeper into the workshop, his fingertips brushing over white sheets covered by thin layers of grey dust. No-one had entered here for at least a year.

The soldier examined the few things left in the room, his gaze scanning every little detail. After a few more steps he came face to face with something of his height, vaguely resembling a human being while its true shape was covered by white sheets as well.

Suddenly, the thing flashed to life, deep red eyes glaring at Steve through the white sheet covering it. Steve had almost no time to react when the thing flew at him. The soldier brought his arm up, defending himself against the hard metal hand that clutched his arm. With force, Steve ripped the sheet from the moving form to reveal his opponent.

He was baffled when he found himself face to face with the most advanced Iron Man suit he’d ever seen so far. Nevertheless, the red gleaming eyes promised nothing but demise.

“The hell?!” Steve cursed when the suit brought his fist up and slammed it almost into Steve’s face- if it hadn’t been for the Captain’s quick reflexes that let him catch the stray fist.

“Tony? Tony, calm down! Tony!” But Iron Man kept attacking with cold calculation. So this was Tony’s way to repay him slamming his fist into the billionaire’s face! Maybe it was fair justice, but if Tony wanted to play the rough way, so be it.

Steve went from his defensive manner into attack, throwing punches at the Iron Man suit. But of course, the material the armor was made of was too hard for the soldier to do any kind of damage.

“Will you please stop, so we can talk it out?” But his words were lost to the engineer’s maniac behavior.

Tony brought his fist up again, and this time, he landed a punch right into Steve’s guts. Steve gasped in pain. “Okay, no talking then!” he screamed at the glaring red eyes, anger rising in his stomach.

Iron Man was just about to flatten Steve’s nose, when suddenly, the suit was ripped from Steve’s body, which had been pinned to the floor by the technology.

The soldier scrambled to his feet, looking around frantically. He froze in spot when he detected Natasha fighting Iron Man, backed up by Hawkeye, Thor and two people Steve had never seen before. Now it was Tony who was pinned to the floor by Tash.

“Safety record T.S. legacy, deactivate” Natasha voiced loudly, and within the blink of an eye, the suit shut down, the red in the armor’s eyes dying out.

“What-?” Steve started, but never finished forming a question.

When the suit laid motionless, Natasha rose from it and turned to face Steve. The relief Steve had felt upon Tony calming down was now replaced by confusion, when not just the spy, but also Thor, Hawkeye and the other - other what, actually? - people readied themselves for combat, eyeing Steve like he was the enemy to fight against.

“Natasha?” Steve asked, voice full of uncertainty. The spy didn’t answer, and Steve went on at the list of names. “Clint? Ahm, Thor?”

No-one answered him right away, but every single one - even the two unknown people - faced him with determination and revulsion.

“Identify yourself” Natasha demanded, glaring at Steve.

“Wha- you know me! I’m Steve, Steve Rogers, Captain America!”

“Who reproduced you? Hydra?” Clint cut in, his voice relentless cold.

“I- no-one! Why would Hydra- what’s going on here? What kind of stupid prank is this?” Steve asked, anger over his own powerlessness slowly rising. But the faces in front of him remained unmoved. Steve glanced at Iron Man still lying motionless on the ground. Was it Tony who had staged this prank?

“For God’s sake, Tony, get out of that suit and stop it, will you?”

At that, Natasha, Clint and Thor exchanged pointy gazes with the other two, both men Steve had never seen before. 

“Tony?” Natasha asked cautiously.

“Yeah! This is his- where’s Bruce? And who are they by the way?” Steve pointed accusingly at the two strangers.

The five in front of him exchanged disturbed looks again.

“It could be a trap” Clint suddenly spoke. Obviously, they were searching for an answer to an unvoiced question.

“What do you mean ‘trap’, Clint? You know me, Hawkeye! You- really, where is Tony? Please tell me he’s in there...? You do remember Tony, do you?” Steve grew desperate when no recognition flashed over any of the faces he was staring at. “The guy who’d call you birdbrain? Natasha, you disguised as his secretary. Thor, he fought you, that moron. Instead of talking first, he fought you the very moment he met you, remember?” Desperation and fear clutched Steve’s very insides and crushed them.

Thor, Clint and Natasha looked at him, slightly baffled, and exchanged glances again. God, how it drove him over the edge when they did that.

“You... how do you know little things like that?” Natasha asked, and her voice sounded _strange_ until Steve discovered the moisture in her eyes with pure terror, ‘cause Natasha Romanov didn’t just cry.

“Because I was there! I... what is all of this? I just came back to the tower and everything’s so messed up- is it really not Tony staging a prank, because- well, because of me punching him?”

Finally, the others relaxed slightly. Clint lowered his bow, Tash took down her threatening fists and Thor put away the hammer - as much as you can put an awfully big, awfully heavy hammer away.

The other two guys – one being dressed in some kind of red costume that even topped the ridiculousness of the Captain America tights. The second one sporting three quite threatening claws on one hand – re-adjusted their stands, when they went from combat mode to casual talking, it seemed.

“To me he seems quite disoriented. If I might suggest we take him to S.H.I.E.L.D and listen to their opinion.” Thor’s deep voice was the one of reason here and his advice gained some nodding.

The guy in the red tights took it as his clue and shot sticky spider webs at Steve, who found himself unable to move for the strange material wouldn’t rip even under the extreme powerful force the soldier applied. He was walked out of the room by the group of five- by the Avengers.

 

_ eight years earlier _

It made Steve angry, it really did. Most of the time, Tony would invent something useful, something terrifically helpful.

And then, he would invent something that held the power to destroy humanity in its hands and Tony would give it its own consciousness - he’d play with the fire and the world would get burned.

First it had been Ultron – and, sometime Steve had learned, there’d been some serum that had enabled massive cell regeneration and of course Tony had had his fingers in it somehow, but that hadn’t been Steve’s war to fight, so he knew quite little about it, other than Tony had been the genius who had made the serum work – and other had followed.

Steve was quite fed up with Tony wasting his genius on things that would destroy instead of things that would create or help create.

And when Tony assembled the Avengers in his workshop to present his newest warrior for peace on earth and so on, not just Bruce looked reasonably unhappy. Clint looked plain angry and Natasha like she’d run out of patience, while Steve- well, Steve kind of slammed his fist into Tony’s jaw.

The situation went awfully out of control when everyone erupted into words, voicing their own opinions and in the heat of the moment, Steve said things to Tony he wouldn’t let himself regret later on- because they were the truth, painfully yes, but nevertheless the truth.

Tony stood tall amongst all the Avengers through their allegations, his face unmoved, even though his jaw already started bruising- most likely, Steve had broken it. But the billionaire couldn’t deceive Steve- he stood tall for he had learned to do so, and there was no saying what actually went on inside the genius’ head. But right now, Steve couldn’t care less. Backed up by Natasha and Clint he voiced his rage, most of the things he said he chose to forget the moment the words left his mouth, because they were cruel and he knew it, and he did love Tony, he really did, but he couldn’t bear going through it all again: Tony, trying to make the world a safer place with the help of technology which would do more harm than good in the end, the media being all over the place, ripping the Avengers and especially the billionaire apart in the air, and at last, Tony looking for some way to live with what he’d done- what his creations had done.

Why was it that Tony seemed so unwillingly to learn from his mistakes? After Ultron, he’d reasoned that it had been the alien intelligence he’d used on the suits, and that everything would change if he were to create an AI himself, one similar to JARVIS. It had made no difference.

The situation in the workshop ended with Steve stomping out of the room, not without declaring that either Tony stopped building things like that, or one would leave the Avengers. Either Tony or Steve.

Steve left the Stark tower and went for a long run to calm down.

 

 

 

Steve examined the room the guy with the claws had brought him to. While the other four had disappeared, that strange fellow kept his company. Although Steve had more questions than time to ask, he wasn’t eager to voice them right now- he had the vague feeling that his guard wasn’t one to socialize easily.

So he sat at the table he normally debriefed on with _his_ team of Avengers, including no just Natasha, Clint and Thor, but also Bruce and Tony.

The Captain didn’t have to wait long, for only minutes after his own arrival Director Fury entered the room, followed by the rest of the Avengers. Steve’s gaze jumped automatically to the missing limp of the Director, as one of his black coat’s sleeve hung sluggishly from his shoulder.

The soldier stood automatically upon Fury entering and examining him with a firm eye.

“Director Fury” he exclaimed. He received no answer at first, as Fury came closer and stood in front of him.

“You may sit down. I have a feeling this will take some time” Fury finally said, voice even.

Steve did as he was told, but asked nevertheless: “Will anyone _please_ tell me what’s going on here?”

“How about you tell us about yourself first” Fury answered relaxed on the inside, although his sharp gaze betrayed his posture.

“There’s nothing- alright. Just this very afternoon, all of us” Steve pointed at Clint, Thor and Natasha, “assembled at Tony’s workshop in the Stark tower. He showed us his latest plan on how to ensure humanities safety. All of you” again, he indicated Clint, Thor and Natasha, “witnessed me kind of punching my lover. Remember that?” Steve wasn’t even surprised to be met by blank faces. At this point, he doubted any of them knew who he was. “Anyway, I was angry, so I went for a run, and when I arrived at home again, Tony attacks me in one of his suits.” The soldier stopped at that, because he wasn’t even so sure whatever it had actually been Tony in the suit. His suspicions where confirmed by Natasha.

“What you fought wasn’t Tony. It was the Stark tower’s security system, programmed to keep the workshop’s data content save, even after- it was a robotic suit.” Natasha shot him a harsh glance before suddenly reaching forward to grab him at the collar.

“Who sent you?”

“No-one did- the Stark tower is my home!” Steve defended himself, brushing her hands off easily.

“Natasha” Fury stepped in, and the spy retreated if only a few steps.

“It’s hard to believe that, really” Clint meddled.

“Yeah, and why is that?” Steve retorted, getting annoyed by the second.

“Because Steve Rogers died a year ago.” Fury’s words sounded final.

All air escaped Steve’s lungs. The mistrust the others held suddenly made sense.

“Oh” was all the Captain answered, for nothing else came to his mind.

“I remember the day Steve punched our shield brother” Thor suddenly voiced and every head turned to face him.

“Me too” Clint admitted after a second of silence.

“So what, are you telling me this is Steve travelling through time?” Natasha sounded furious.

“Now that you mention it, you do look older” Steve joked weakly, if only to do _something_.

“Funny” the spy snapped. “Give me one good reason not to kill you again!”

It took everyone a second to realize what Natasha had said, and a sudden discussion erupted, interrupted by Steve rising himself from his stool with unintended force.

“You killed me?” he asked, and his voice sounded strange and foreign even to himself. Everyone stilled the very instant.

“You killed me?” the soldier asked again, upon receiving no answer. Slowly, Natasha turned to face him, pain poorly hidden beneath false pride.

“I trust you with my life! I- how could you kill me?”

“I did. But you did worse!” the spy defended herself. Steve opened his mouth, no words coming out. Natasha took her chance and went on, suppressed anger fighting its way to the surface.

“You turned your back on us. No just did you leave, you decided to _fight_ us. While it was Tony you wanted to defeat, you made no difference between him and us. You- we had no other choice.” Natasha seemed to choke on the words.

Steve simply stared at her.

It was Fury who stepped in then.

“Everyone, sit down” he ordered and there was no-one who didn’t obey, although the guy with the claws mumbled something about how this was not his problem at all.

Steve stared at his hands for a second, replaying everything he had learned just now.

“Where’s Tony?” The question jumped to his mind suddenly.

Everyone exchanged glances.

“Oh come on, tell me! You killed me! What could be worse?!” Anger and betrayal boiled in Steve’s chest and burned it.

“How about you killing Tony?” Clint suggested after a moment of heavy silence.

“No” Steve denied.

“But you did” Natasha confirmed.

“No. I’d never- I love him!” Suddenly, Steve felt desperate. He wanted to see his lover, hold him close, convince himself of the other’s well-being.

“We all failed him.” Thor’s booming voice was full of sadness and regret.

Steve looked at the god with incomprehension. “What do you mean ‘we failed him’?”

“All were we quick to judge him” was Thor’s only – and to Steve quite frustrating – answer.

Steve watched Clint wiping away a tear quickly, obviously hoping that no-one had noticed it to begin with. Natasha only stared at her hands.

“He wouldn’t stop” the spy finally explained. “The day you punched him, everything turned worse. He wouldn’t trust us anymore. He- he’d lost that that afternoon. And there was no way of stopping him anymore.” Natasha sounded so rueful, so- Steve wondered whatever this was really their future, because obviously, they’d messed up bad.

“There would have been” Clint voiced. “Instead of us hating him for trying, if- if any of us would have told him just _once_ that everything will be alright- we didn’t understand back then. Not until we saw his message. The one he recorded in case he’d... die.”

“I killed him?” Steve asked very slowly. He still could not accept it.

“Yeah” Natasha robbed him of his illusions. “You did. After you turned your back on us, we couldn’t reach him anymore. He was lost, and no-one of us realized. He wouldn’t stop building things that were supposed to save humanity, but they didn’t work and we- we grew impatient. And somewhere along those lines you decided his death was the best for humanity...”

“We took him to grave!” Suddenly, Clint was standing again and his gaze held accusation which made it unable for Steve to deny it any longer – _he’d killed Tony, the one person he valued the most!_

Steve buried his face in his hands. “That’s not fair” the whispered, as a single tear escaped. “It wasn’t me- not really! I didn’t do any of that!”

The room grew silent upon this and after a moment, Steve heard how Clint sat down again. The soldier rubbed the stray tear away and met the others’ gaze with moisture in the eyes.

“I have not done those things” he stated again.

Fury nodded. “But if you are from the past as you claim, you are still to do them.”

Steve shook his head in denial. “And Bruce?”

“He left. After you- and after Tony wouldn’t stop inventing those... _things_ , he simply left. He hated how we’d team up against him, and later, he hated how Tony separated himself- Tony wasn’t part of the Avengers anymore. He kind of hid in his tower and wouldn’t leave it anymore- if he hadn’t left that day, he’d still be alive...” Natasha blinked rapidly, to suppress some tears.

“When- how long...”

“Three years.”

Steve huffed. “After I killed him, you let me life two more years!” Anger and outrage was evident in his voice.

Tash snorted. “It’s not easy to kill your friend, you know!”

At that, Steve knew nothing to answer.

He thought about what he’d learned. He’d left Tony, he’d destroyed the billionaire’s trust by physically hurting him, and there had been nothing in the Avengers' powers to repair what he’d shattered. Obviously, Steve turning his back on Tony had only led to grim determination and Tony had been unstoppable when it came to the idea of creating technological guardians. So Steve’s one and only solution had been to kill his most important person? Who had he become in the future? How could he look Tony in the eye ever again?

“You said something could have been done, if you’d only understood. Understood what?” Steve asked, looking at Clint, as he had been the one to voice it.

Clint shook his head slightly. “Tony was afraid. More than anything, he was afraid of surviving, while every single one of us died. That’s why he was so obsessed with creating guardians. Ultron had only been the beginning. He was trying so hard because he was so afraid. But no-one of us- I don’t know, we turned a blind eye to it.”

“So what attacked me in the workshop-”

“-was T.S. legacy, a robot constructed to protect the workshop’s data after Tony Stark’s death” Natasha ended Steve’s sentence.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Congrats, you kept hanging on until the end ;)  
> As you know now, the story was not written in strict order, as this would have been boring. I hope it was understandable nevertheless ^^


End file.
